The Long Drop Down
by obsessedwithstuff
Summary: To Lovino, the long drop down from that ledge high above the street doesn't seem long enough, not long enough for his last seconds of contemplation as he steps over the edge. But when he tries, a sudden voice stops him. When a mysterious Spaniard, worried, desperate, tries to talk him out of the terrible act, will he be able to? Spamano. AU. Lovino Angst.


The long drop down didn't seem long enough in Lovino's opinion. At least if it was longer, he'd have more time to contemplate life, to think his last thoughts, although who he'd spare them for he didn't know. Looking across the street, to other buildings, same as the one he stood on, only encouraged his decision, the grey, monotony of it all, derelict, run down, crime ridden, it summed up his life neatly, the crappy little life he had been forced to live as God had played his hand and given the good cards to someone else, someone better, someone who deserved it.

It was all inevitable really. It was what everyone wanted. Himself, the few people that knew him, God. Even the insect like people on the streets far below seemed to be cheering him on, waving their hands and shouting at him, egging him on to take the final step. He blanked out the words. In his final moments of life, all he wanted to hear were the tiny list of good things that had long been overshadowed by the enormity of the bad things. Bird songs, acoustic guitars...

_WORTHLESS_

But the voices wouldn't leave him

_NOTHING_

No matter how hard he tried, they were always to remind him.

_JUST A SPEC OF DUST ON A LONG FORGOTTEN FLOOR_

Remind him of the truth-

_THE SQUASHED COCKROACH THAT EVERYONE AVOIDS_

-of how it really was in life-

_WHAT'S THE POINT IN LIVING?_

-that there was no good list.

_YOU DONT DESERVE THE AIR YOU BREATHE_

Everything was bad.

He didn't need the voices anymore to tell him he was just taking up space, the world would be better without him, happier.

_NO ONE-_

No one would care

_WOULD?_

No one _does _care. His funeral is already empty. His name already forgotten. Just an-

_INSIGNIFICANT PIECE OF SHIT_

He closed his eyes and let those words echo in his mind. He took a deep breath and lifted his foot.

"WAIT!"

The voice was so clear that for a moment Lovino thought it had come from his mind. Teetering on the edge of the window ledge, the Italian made himself lean back again, postpone the inevitable to see who had said it. Politeness was not something that ever escaped him, even in his last moments.

To his left, leaning precariously out the window Lovino had just climbed through without a second thought, was a man. Tall, by the looks of it, with olive skin and dark wavy hair. He stared at Lovino, terror and desperation obvious in those forest green eyes of his, purposely not looking down, holding onto the window frame so hard his knuckles were white.

Lovino could only smirk at the man. To think, someone had actually had the common courtesy to attempt to stop him going over, make it look like he had done something right by the world when in fact, like it always was, like it always should be, he couldn't give a shit about Lovino or what had brought him here or what he did now.

But he had to look away, the sheer desperation in the man eyes somewhat contradicting the truth he'd just told himself

"Don't even start. It's not going to work."

"You don't have to do this you know."

After hearing him for a second time, Lovino noticed the slight accent in the man's voice. It wasn't Italian, clearly not good enough to be from such a perfect country, but it was definitely Mediterranean. Greek maybe, or Spanish?

"It's going to happen. It was always going to happen."

"Please, just think about what you're doing, who you might hurt!"

Lovino just groaned, already annoyed with the clichés this man who spurting out. The shaking in his voice told the Italian that not even he believed these unoriginal lies.

"Just shut it with the bullshit! You don't even know what you're fucking saying. You don't even know who I am! How can you say whether or not I should do this?"

A moment of silence. Lovino's words had obviously gotten to him. The Italian couldn't help but smirk at his triumph.

HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU JUST DO IT

Maybe he could finally do it in peace now.

"What's your name?"

Of all the things the man could ask, could say in his pathetic effort to stop him, Lovino had not been expecting that. But it made him hesitate, finally gaining some respect for the man for thinking of something different, original. Amazingly, for the slightest of moments, it made him consider actually talking to this man – a man that, despite his obvious lies and selfishness, wanted to have a normal conversation with him, as though he was a normal person-

NOBODY. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

Who was he kidding himself? The man didn't care. It was all just a hoax, a trick, a final test of God to drag him back into the miserable life so he could play with him like a puppet for just a little bit longer. No, he controlled his own life now.

But this time, Lovino didn't make the step. He didn't even gesture. Something in him told him to at least look at this man one more time, owe him the courtesy to answer his simple question.

"Lovino," he answered flatly. The man shot him a shaky smile in return.

"Lovino... That's a nice name. Your parents have good taste. I bet they would miss-"

"Don't even go down the family route. I only have my brother, and he couldn't give a fuck what happened to me."

His needless smile of pity vanished too quickly at Lovino's abruptness, once again lost at what to say. It was almost as if he thought Lovino hadn't gone through every single one of these thoughts, these reasons, in his own head before attempting this?

"What about your friends? Don't you have any– "

"Nobody cares, dammit! Just accept it and move on bastard! I'm just a worthless piece of shit that the world made to torture until my time is up. I'm just speeding up the process."

He almost didn't need to talk anymore. The voice did it all for him.

Angry now, angry that he had let this idiot stop him from what he wanted to do, angry that his last moments in life had been devoted to _him _and not what he'd wanted to think about, Lovino turned back to the long drop down. The rage that burned through him, at the man, at himself, it only made him want to step over the edge more. He closed his eyes, took another deep breath, tried to ignore the trembling that had now taken control of his hands, and-

"I care."

Those simple words somehow managed to send a jolt of shock through Lovino. This time when he froze, foot once again hanging in mid air, his mind came up blank for any possible reasons this man would say such a ridiculous thing. Lovino slowly turned to see a shaky, yet encouraging grin plastered on the man's lips.

"W-what?" Lovino's voice was quiet, unsure what to say, unsure if he'd even heard the man right, heard the words that hadn't been spoken to him since he was just a child. When the man spoke again, with a soft comforting tone, the determination that lay thick in his voice made hard to believe this man could possibly be talking to him.

"I care, Lovino. I care if you- if you kill yourself now. I care that you think things are so bad in your life that you need to end it. Because you don't."

It wasn't possible.

How could he care? They'd only just met. He didn't know where he was from, what he was doing with his own life. He didn't even know his name-

IT'S A LIE

Suddenly, the anger he'd been feeling earlier flared up inside of him again, stronger, still more deadly than before. Of course. How could he have been so stupid as to believe the pack of lies he was spouting now? How could he have let his hopes gather up like that, believe that someone actually _did _care for once? They didn't know each other. There was no possible way.

Yet...

The conviction that had lain through the man's voice seemed too real to be a lie. But it had to be.

Lovino turned away, unable to look at the man's idiotic grin with the anger and conflict that streaked through him now. He tried to stare at his shoes, something he so often did in uncomfortable situations, but looking down, he immediately found, was a bad idea. Suddenly, the long drop down seemed far too far for his liking. He felt queasy with fear. How many stories high was this ledge? Ten? Twenty?

He managed finally to push himself back against the wall, as far into the ledge as possible, his heart thumping hard in his chest.

_Why the fuck am I starting to care now? He was going to step over in a moment anyway..._

"Why would you care?" Lovino asked. The man answered immediately, confirming his conviction, as though he'd been expecting the question.

"I care because if you end your life now then there would be no chance for me to get to know you."

The answer was so unexpected that Lovino could only stare at him in disbelief for a moment. There was no bullshit about God, about his life being precious and how he shouldn't be wasting it in such a way, about how the man _knew _that his life couldn't be all that bad, about how if he killed himself now it would be over, gone, no more second chances. It almost seemed impossible that such ridiculous words could have exited his mouth.

"You... do you even fucking know what you just said?"

The man was smiling and for the first time that tense, nervous edge had vanished from behind it. It was almost like they were having a genuine conversation, almost as if he really did want to just get to know him.

_Except we're standing on a ledge above a fucking hundred foot drop._

"Of course~ You think I would just blurt out any random thing to a man who was about to kill himself?"

Lovino was dumbstruck, staring in speechless confusion at the idiotic man and his idiotic words. His tone was too casual, his smile too genuine. Maybe he did-

HE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU

But what if he did? There was no real way to tell, no way to know. Wouldn't it be better to find out himself before there was no more chances, to make sure it wasn't all for waste?

Another glance to the ground, and Lovino could feel his stomach churning in sickly fear. His heart slammed in his chest. His breathing was ragged, wheezy. He realised, with anger flaring violently at himself and his thoughts, that he _was_ scared of death, that the last place he wanted to be right now was on this ledge, about to commit his final act. He couldn't even do that right.

He closed his eyes, utterly torn and utterly broken. Not looking at anything, just listening to the surrounding sounds, he could have almost convinced himself he was on the ground. But he was too aware of those green eyes that stared at him in such worry-

ITS ONLY PITY

Lovino frowned. No, it wasn't pity. It _was _worry. It _was _concern. He knew that. He remembered it from long ago, in the way the man had spoken, in the fearful look that pooled in his eyes. He cared.

_He cared..._

"Lovino..." The man – _I don't even know his name _– pressed cautiously. The Italian turned his head to find him still there, staring at Lovino with a troubled expression, holding his hand –_trembling –_ out to him. Lovino blinked, staring at it for a second, before taking it.

"This better be worth it you bastard..."


End file.
